Wenlin's Blog

My roommate NM moved out this morning. I’m taking his room, which is 30 ft^2 larger than my current one.

I looked at the empty room with nothing inside, but a large bay window, framing the view of a playground w/ palm trees and top of the Bay Bridge in a distance. It gave me a refreshing breezy feeling. CN and I repainted the room with four different colors, because I don’t want to be “color-ist” in a way that discriminates towards colors. Lemon, pumpkin, bright pink, and purple! They don’t quite work in harmony. I had to unlearn everything I learned about color theory in arch school to make such bald decision. Yet the eccentric color combination reminded me of a child’s painting, without wanting to have mastery of technical knowledge.

A child pours out, onto the canvas, very precious things, her innocence and zeal. I really admire a child’s relation to his/her artwork is so pure and joyful. They are not referencing themselves to pop/high art, or other cultural precedents, which often turn people into self-critics and take them away from truly experiencing art making itself…

I want to draw like a kid again, with pure joy! Tonight, while painting my room, such a simple act, I found that feeling! It was like finding the hidden treasure I hid when I was a little girl that I forgot about.

Empty space, sometimes, is a great thing. It invites one’s imagination of what it can be instead of what it was. A place to meditate. A room of my own.

The rain is so beautiful tonight.

I feel taken care of, thankful and peaceful

I drew this illustration, responding to a prop “What Have I Gained” at the open workshop that I go to at UCSF on Weds. Art making on Wednesdays has been a very meditative and spiritually uplifting experience for me. I feel safe and comfortable among a creative community, sharing ourselves with one another.

As I closed my eyes, a sense of being grounded, and warm feeling rose in my chest.
I felt at peace, quietly happy, and connected.
And this image was what I saw with my mind’s eyes.

I appreciate you being in my life!

Birth

Life is interesting.  It seems throw things at us at weird times, often times without asking us for permission or giving any warning.  Most of the time, we don’t seem to have a choice.  As a new born, we don’t have a choice in terms of when to be born, where to be born, who our parents are, or our culture background…

Choice

But later on, as I developped a sense of my self, I’ve learn to fight for my choices – to study in different cultures, to pursue my passion in art/design/architecture,  to relocate to a city where I had no connection, to love and to let go…

I like to go beyond what’s known and comfortable, and choose paths that’s unknown.  Admittedly, it’s not easy to live overseas without my family around.  It’s been almost seven years since I packed my luggages and left home for the first time.  I have led a nomadic life, physically and spirtiually.  First several years in the ivory tower in the South, ocassionally traveling to other countries, then relocating to a modern city where I hardly have any connections.  I had to make big leaps to adapt, from a homogeneous culture to a cultural melting pot, from a conservative environment to a place where everything-goes.  The difference between the 18 year old girl who left home for her dreams to the young woman I am now is perhaps more experience of combating with reality, still stubborn and idealistic.  My heart, fortnuately, survived many challenges and still perseves the same sensitivity and passion for life.  I’ve also learned to become more tender and kind to myself and others.

There are at times that I look back, esp. seeing my friends from childhood getting settled and leading a comfortable life (at least it seems),  the could-haves and would-haves come across my mind.  If only I chose an easier path, I would have a stable and comfortable life.  It only takes a few seconds for me to realize that I would never give up what I already have experienced for anything.  There is no short cut to the life that I aspire – a state of being that’s not easily defined by words.  It’s like a painting – only through layers and layers of delicate strokes and ocassional accidents, the substance and form emerges.  I am the artist of my own life. If it’s already well planned for me, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to practice to be good.

If I didn’t do anything, I wouldn’t be anybody.

(To Be Continued. Although having a lot to say. I have a small surgery tomorrow morning. So off to bed now.)

Today is the birthday of Wenlinli.com!